How old do I feel?

26 Jul

How old do I feel?

Gingerly placing my feet on the floor on a morning as I get out of bed I could be 92.

I walk on the landing to the bathroom on what feels like tiny pins and lumps of rock, not the soft carpet which is really underfoot. Thankfully on the way back to the bedroom, normal sensations have returned and apart from a bit of careful manoeuvring when sitting down and standing up, during the day, my body allows me to move well, walk fast when required and feel probably younger than my actual age.

Its when I look in the mirror there’s a problem. Who is that staring back? I don’t recognise her. Who is the grey haired lady. The face is similar but its not the face I remember. I don’t like it as much as my old face, or should I say my young face. Where have my lips gone? Thinner lips are a sign of old age too.

 Aged 19  in serious pose !

Probably because I carry a few too many pounds,  my face is quite plump and there’s not too many lines. Friends remark on this. “You haven’t any lines” they say. Its the sagging jowls that give the game away, that and the crêpey skin on a scraggy neck. My Grandma who was actually only 61 when I was 16, always liked a chiffon scarf or similar tied around her neck. “The neck gives the game away”, she said and its true.

Hands too tell a tale. My hands have always had good skin. Not for me the constant applying of hand cream. Having a greasy skin has been good but eventually hands have old age thrust upon them and the test of nipping the skin to see how fast it returns to normal, shows my hands to have old skin on them!

Perhaps the greasy skin along with the plumpness  has helped keep off facial lines and crow’s feet. Nothing ages the skin more than dried out sun tanned skin and lines follow and whilst liking summer and sunny days, I have never been a sun worshipper to the point of laying all day on a lounger till burnt to a crisp.

As a child I was dark blonde which in summer always lightened, even to my late teens, after which I always had highlights or been completely blonde. Now my natural colour is grey. I don’t dislike it and it is certainly easier than keeping up to roots.

The question is, would I feel younger if I looked in a mirror to see myself with blonde hair? I don’t really think so.

Youth is past. Middle age is past. Old age is upon me.

I am not complaining. The alternative to old age is death and I am not ready yet.

I have lots more living to do.










4 Responses to “How old do I feel?”

  1. amanda egan July 26, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    What a fantastic piece of writing. I think it says it all about ageing but most of all it says that you are comfortable in your own skin. Being blonde wouldn’t change a thing. You look to me like you’re ‘maturing gracefully’ (but hopefully sometimes, disgracefully?!)

    • Lynn - The Secret Tea Roomn July 27, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

      For about 10 seconds, first thing in the morning, I feel my age. But once the circulation gets going, that’s when I feel the years drop off. I feel like Dorian Grey with the outside growing old gracefully, I hope, yet the inside (mind) growing younger.

      Being older has it’s flirtatious advantages. You can smile at the young knowing that you’ve ‘been there’ and got the t’shirt and come through the other end virtually unscathed.

      You can listen to the moaners on the train about having to go to work and smile at them knowing that you don’t have to.

      There may be more years behind me than there is in front, but I will bet your bottom dollar that I will do my very best to pack into these remaining years as much adventure as I can, so that I shall end my days with a big grin on my face knowing that ‘I did it my way’

  2. mummymummymum July 30, 2011 at 8:28 pm #

    Lovely post. Even now I look at myself and wonder where my young face has gone, I often wonder how I will feel when I am much older doing the same.

    I think its great that you blog though, and they are both lovely photo’s. 🙂

  3. Julie Crayne (@Service_Queen) August 14, 2011 at 11:19 pm #

    I like this. Very insightful. Well written and oh so true

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